Why men love feminists

Contrary to popular belief many feminists have active, and even pleasant love lives.

Before I continue let me clarify, and oversimplify (terribly) for purposes of this commentary, by saying that there are two types of feminists. It’s oversimplifying by the way, because we live in an age of individual feminisms rather than theory-centered doctrine. And it also doesn’t matter if a woman who opposes patriarchy calls herself a feminist, a womanist, motherist, mujerista, goddess etc., we have similar hopes at the end of the day, there are many ways to transform society.
Anyhow, there are those that are feminists in a girl power, women are better than men kinda way and there are the vast majority who see feminism as a woman-centered part of humanism, where equal value of all human beings in all realms of life is the fantasy.
I belong to the latter group and feel slightly uncomfortable about pseudo-feminist themes like Beyonce’s ‘Girls rule the world‘. It’s nonsense to think women better than men. Our souls are gender-neutral, it is our minds that have created masculinity and femininity and boxed our biological make-up into definitions:

Feminine: softgentletendermodestdelicategracefulgirliegirlishladylike effeminatecampweakunmanlyeffete

Masculine: strongpowerfulboldbravestrappinghardyrobustvigorousmuscularmacho,



Don’t most people have a bit of all of the above in them? A man can be delicate and a woman bold, right? What do you think about these definitions?

Fact is, the most evolved people have always been those that have learnt how to step out of the mind, as a result transcending also whatever their societies defines as masculine and feminine, as black and white, as handicapped or talented etc. Questioning binaries like masculine/feminine causes controversy, people prefer to stay in comfortable, and might I add eurocentric, man– and woman boxes.

The media myth is that feminists are lonely, unattractive women whom men shun. But in actuality, it seems that we humans are intrigued by people who don’t pigeon hole themselves. Many feministas are interested in doing precisely that, digging underneath the layers of being ‘woman’. I ain’t saying there aren’t challenges to dating while feminist. Hey, we live in patriarchy, which must mean that a majority of people want to live in patriarchy, which means that someone who doesn’t want to live in patriarchy is a minority, which means that it is a challenge for many women and men today, the mating thing. Many talk about a gender crisis. And maybe they are right, considering that in the UK one third of families consist of a single parent.

We can endlessly apply power to certain genders, skin colour and characteristics, but we cannot euthanize the power of our souls. This is where the term soul-mate comes from. The thing that pulls people to each other is a thing that appreciates equality. A relationship where a man can also act ‘feminine’ and a woman also ‘masculine’ has larger chances of surviving because those involved are allowed to be well-rounded and whole and that is a much bigger challenge than being the perfect feminine or masculine type.

So if you think that feminism is a man repellant, think again. Ask feminists you know about their love lives. If you are shy to ask, then subscribe to adventures from the bedrooms of African women.

Don’t ask me about my private life, I reveal enough on here as it is 😉

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  • Sheroxlox

    Hey Sis! I thought this was an interesting piece. I don’t think however (even for the purposes of commentary) that I am comfortable saying creating two types of feminist camps (even with the acknowledgement of it as something that is inherently “individual’). I am a girl power feminist because I believe that with all the negative crap out there sometimes girls just need to here that they are amazing kick-ass human beings that given the right tools and direction can be and achieve anything they set their minds to. Am I a Bootyliscious Beyonce “Girls Run the World” feminist – No. Do I believe women are better than men? No. But I can’t seem to make the connection between this and to wanting to encourage empowerment and belief in self (a la Girl Power). Do I also see feminism as “a woman-centered part of humanism, where equal value of all human beings in all realms of life is the fantasy.” Yes. So given that I am teetering on both camps – what kind of feminist am I? :-)

    And just as an aside and to add pepper to the pot or fire to the flame or whatever – I also think that by limiting discussions on feminism to Men/Women we are leaving out a whole other constituency of self-defined feminists that may or may not include – transgender peoples, queer folk etc. My point is Feminism is multifaceted and by creating types/camps we do much more to alienate those that don’t neccesarily self-identify in this way. :)

    Oh and I do hope all the men on here will love their beautiful feminists more! Cuz we ROCK! :)

    • MsAfropolitan

      Thanks for sharing thoughts sis.
      I agree with you on all points, where we differ is the use of term ‘girl power’ as in the B video, as I see it as a kind of defensive, girls (not women mind you) are better thing. But I’m gathering that for you, the term does not imply that. I understand the need for girls (women) to hear that they rule, because of the long oppression of woman, but i’m weary of all things defensive, and untruthful. All genders are just as wonderful/powerful/beautiful at our core if we can only get our heads around egalitarianism, which maybe more women are prone to doing than men..

      I initially icluded a statement about same sex relationships but because of the title and theme it seemed like it was in there by force. But apart from the direct references to heterosexual relationships, which are the only type I can write about in terms of experience, the ideas about masculinity and femininity I think are relevant also for the LGBT feminists, are they inherent? Can a lesbian be masculine? what role does a transgender take on? Why is there the stereotype of the effeminate homosexual? The (Eurocentric) definitions of feminine and masculine seem to me to be at play no matter what sexuality one has and even here I’d argue, that stepping out of the boxes, or at least seeing that they are not inherent traits is key to developing as a soul who values equality, or?Re limiting discussions about feminism to men and women, I’d say this post was perhaps foremost about men and women relating to feminism than feminism relating to men and women, if that makes sense. Absolutely, I agree that to look at feminism as an ideology, all sexualities should be considered.

      Food for thought, thank you :)

  • Poto

    I feel like in the Western cultures the term ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ are considered almost like polar opposites (bipolar). In school, for example, we’re taught that you either one or the other. But I really think the emphasis had to do more with trying to explain sexual orientation somehow to kids.

    I notice some Eastern cultures are more neutral though. Are you familiar with Yin and Yang? :) Well, they’re very similar to the ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ but the difference is they’re not tied as much into sexual orientation or sex. There’s an emphasis on Yin and Yang having something to do with the cosmos and stars and all that soul food and keeping them balanced.

    Basically, one of the issues w/ the patriarchy is they boxed the cosmos into a science category in the West, and coded it like that. But in reality the cosmos is beyond science and gets more into the spiritual, which has been separated out into religion, which was then omitted from traditional schools, because religion is culture specific, then recoded again and again and was probably lost after that.

    On the cosmic level the soul could journey and become one with its counterpart and maybe even the term soul-mate comes from there! :) So like the soul guides us on the earth plain (as above below). All is determining by consciousness. Basically, I think if a one understands the cosmos they become equal, automatically. Why, because the most high govern in this dimension. And the cosmic governs all others.

    So now when I think about feminism, I think of a feminine realizing something about the cosmos. The vagina is another kind of cosmos but that’s another story.

    • MsAfropolitan

      I get this, totally, and that maybe means that I should get a pot pipe and get psychedelic:) But really I get this, and even more than get, i truly love it. It’s such a shame that if we were going to need to box ourselves rigidly that we didn’t at least the yin and yang way of thinking. or many others, did you ever read about the Dogon in Burkina Faso? Their world view on gender and also on sexuality -homo and hetero- is fascinating.

      • Poto

        Psychedelic! Ha! Call me Your Highness then… Hehe! Oh yea, I know about the Dogon, yea, they cool tribe in Africa. A lot of the original martial arts was developed there, as well. Did you ever read about Potolo 😉

        • MsAfropolitan

          I had not but just did! how amazing is that. Thanku thanku

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003407034713 Dharu

          I don’t mean to shatter any ilnsuiols but .feminists ARE regular women. That said, most women whether they identify themselves as feminists, or not appreciate good manners and courtesy as much as the next person. If you are walking through a door, and are walking with someone else, it’s simply polite to hold the door open for that other person. As for economics and paying one’s own way, that may be a different matter, but as with just about everything there is no one-size-fits-all answer: there are feminists who feel strongly about paying their own way on a date, and plenty who don’t. (Don’t forget, too, that allowing for economic equality when dating someone doesn’t necessarily mean you split the bill, but can easily mean (and more often does mean) that sometimes one persons foots the bill, and sometimes the other person foots the bill.)Feminists, if you’re going to talk in broad terms, don’t want to be condescended to on the basis of their sex. IF you would typically be condescending to a woman on a date, then you would want to modify your behavior .but if you’re typically condescending to women then it’s unlikely that you would want to date someone who is a feminist, or that she would want to date you, so I don’t think it’s an issue! The fact that you are interested enough to ask the question suggests to me that you would treat her just fine on a date, feminist or not.

    • MsAfropolitan

      Well said about the cosmos being even more about the spiritual than about science (yeah, still thinking about this now :)) and the spiritual in return boxed into religion, culturally. imagine science and spirituality truly merging, how amazing could that be! Or is that blasphemous? I think it would shake us all up. Yes, consciousness, feminism for me been a tool for that. Consciousness is also partly oneness, equality, na?

      • Poto

        I always wonder how could science and spirituality not merge? Especially when it comes to consciousness, oneness and equality! I think, inevitably they will merge…

  • Olivier

    Great Article personally I love powerful / active /committed women… it’s so sexy… and inspiring ^_^ I also think that great women deserve Great Guys. Great day to you all.

  • http://54interviews.wordpress.com 54interviews

    How about I am a feminist because I believe in gender equity?! Plain and simple.

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  • P.J.101

    Pös consume less drugs. It obviously fukks up your mind, dear author.