Contrary to popular belief many feminists have active, and even pleasant love lives.
Before I continue let me clarify, and oversimplify (terribly) for purposes of this commentary, by saying that there are two types of feminists. It’s oversimplifying by the way, because we live in an age of individual feminisms rather than theory-centered doctrine. And it also doesn’t matter if a woman who opposes patriarchy calls herself a feminist, a womanist, motherist, mujerista, goddess etc., we have similar hopes at the end of the day, there are many ways to transform society.
Anyhow, there are those that are feminists in a girl power, women are better than men kinda way and there are the vast majority who see feminism as a woman-centered part of humanism, where equal value of all human beings in all realms of life is the fantasy.
I belong to the latter group and feel slightly uncomfortable about pseudo-feminist themes like Beyonce’s ‘Girls rule the world‘. It’s nonsense to think women better than men. Our souls are gender-neutral, it is our minds that have created masculinity and femininity and boxed our biological make-up into definitions:
Don’t most people have a bit of all of the above in them? A man can be delicate and a woman bold, right? What do you think about these definitions?
Fact is, the most evolved people have always been those that have learnt how to step out of the mind, as a result transcending also whatever their societies defines as masculine and feminine, as black and white, as handicapped or talented etc. Questioning binaries like masculine/feminine causes controversy, people prefer to stay in comfortable, and might I add eurocentric, man– and woman boxes.
The media myth is that feminists are lonely, unattractive women whom men shun. But in actuality, it seems that we humans are intrigued by people who don’t pigeon hole themselves. Many feministas are interested in doing precisely that, digging underneath the layers of being ‘woman’. I ain’t saying there aren’t challenges to dating while feminist. Hey, we live in patriarchy, which must mean that a majority of people want to live in patriarchy, which means that someone who doesn’t want to live in patriarchy is a minority, which means that it is a challenge for many women and men today, the mating thing. Many talk about a gender crisis. And maybe they are right, considering that in the UK one third of families consist of a single parent.
We can endlessly apply power to certain genders, skin colour and characteristics, but we cannot euthanize the power of our souls. This is where the term soul-mate comes from. The thing that pulls people to each other is a thing that appreciates equality. A relationship where a man can also act ‘feminine’ and a woman also ‘masculine’ has larger chances of surviving because those involved are allowed to be well-rounded and whole and that is a much bigger challenge than being the perfect feminine or masculine type.
So if you think that feminism is a man repellant, think again. Ask feminists you know about their love lives. If you are shy to ask, then subscribe to adventures from the bedrooms of African women.
Don’t ask me about my private life, I reveal enough on here as it is ;)—
Hi! I’m Minna Salami. I’m a writer, blogger, columnist, lecturer and speaker and the founder of the feminist blog, MsAfropolitan, which connects feminism to contemporary culture from an Africa-centred perspective. I’ve been listed alongside Michelle Obama and Angelina Jolie as one of “twelve women changing the world” by ELLE and my work has been used as a resource and case study at universities around the world. Like what you just read? Sign up above to receive new posts directly in your inbox.