I started writing this post feeling down. That’s the last part of this post, a bit pathetic.
Like many, I’ve developed an online attention disorder. My attention span online is 140 seconds and I don’t even have the patience to convert that into minutes.
It’s no surprise that my attention span has reduced so dramatically. It’s the nature of the forums. On MySpace, you were urged to create a personal(ized) profile where you described not only yourself but also your favourite books, foods, and all other kinds of generic and boring information about yourself. Dutifully, I let my friends (they were still friends then rather than fans or followers) know what MySpace thought they might want to know.
When Facebook arrived I was slightly lazier. I copied and pasted my MySpace persona into the new platform. After all, I’d put in all that ‘effort’ into describing myself! After some months, I deleted it.
Come twitter, and I’ve managed to squeeze my essence into 140 characters. And I quite like the briefness, why complicate matters.
I can’t pinpoint why I feel down as write this. I’ll try to in a sec though. Whenever I feel this way, I wonder if other people do too. By ‘this way’, I’m not referring to wanting to slit my wrists and call it a day, and I feel awful saying that with a snobbish tone, as some people do feel that way and I can only hope that they may find some reason to keep going, for me ‘this way’ is a feeling of lethargy. One that translates in my carrying out daily tasks with absolutely no passion whatsoever. When I feel lethargic like this, what tends to happen is that I order pizza, and end up reading in bed for hours, which I would do today if I hadn’t over committed myself to work.
I am reading Neighbours, the story of a murder by Lilia Momple for my book club. My book club is a collaboration between Penguin Books and Catch A Vibe, one of my fave London blogs, and we are reading the African classics.
I am determined not to let my online attention disorder make me a bad reader, so I go into a meditative state when I read, shutting off the outside world and putting my BB and laptop away. I am doing quite well at this whole relearning to read thing, well, now that I’ve accepted that I have to relearn something I learnt at four.
Anyway back to my being down, which by the way, I’m not always. If you don’t believe that I’m not a down kinda person always, then here’s proof of me looking happy - see, happy?
By the way why do we humans have the need to prove that we are happy, when ultimately we all are in search of happiness? Isn’t that what life’s about? Searching. For. Happiness.
(note – read the following sentence with caution, it might give you a head ache)
That said, I am happy because I am happiest searching for happiness, which I am constantly doing. It’s the journey, not the destination that is important. Happiness is a culmination of learning that reaches the sub-conscious and becomes a truth. Finding answers is great too, one of the answers I’ve found whilst searching for happiness is that happiness to me means that sometimes-i’m-blue-and-that’s-OK-too.
If you clicked on the blue link you’ll see one of my poems. That’s one of the things I do to search for happiness – I write poetry. I’ve started posting some of it on my tumblog, instead of here. If you prefer to read professional poetry lol, then you MUST visit Blackbird. For happy thoughts, check out the positivity blog.
I guess instead of trying to pinpoint why I am down, I’ve pinpointed one element of what makes me happy, cool aye
Oh, and if you liked my outfit in that happy picture of me, then you might like the Afro-inspired style in the MsAfropoplitan Boutique, where I sell products made by African diaspora women. If you didn’t like my outfit, which is of course a (mistake) possibility, well you might still enjoy a quick browse.
Has the immediacy of social media and online connecting made you become restless with longer tasks? Any examples?